


The Same Deceit

by MrsSaxon



Series: My Heart was Made for Breaking [Not for This] [1]
Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Actual Fucking TBD, Anxiety Dreams, But I PROMISE there will be shipping later, Canon Compliant, Clairvoyance, Daddy Issues in Space, Dreaming, Dreams, Fixing Plot Holes, Heimdall the father we need but none of us deserve, Heimdall: the REAL MVP, Like honestly there is hardly any shipping in this first part, Loki’s Third Mental Breakdown and Fifth Identity Crisis This Week, M/M, Odin's A+ Parenting, Oh I Just Can’t Wait To Be- No No Never Mind I Take It Back This Is Terrible, Post-Ragnarok, Slow Burn, Slow Burn Destiny Fucking, Space Angst, Thor is clairvoyant, a very slow burn, just stick with me, the slowest of burns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-18
Updated: 2018-01-18
Packaged: 2019-03-06 07:55:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13406817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrsSaxon/pseuds/MrsSaxon
Summary: “My shift already?” Thor threw off his covers and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He set his head in his hands, rubbing exhaustion from his eye.Loki shook his head. “No, Heimdall is used to unnaturally long watches. He insisted he take the next 12 turns at the helm.” Loki walked, unhurried, further into the room. “No,” he repeated, “I came in because I heard you talking in your sleep.”// After Ragnarok, the Asgardian survivors head for Midgard. On the way, Thor's powers start to change, his dreams become stronger and stranger than usual. Loki suspects he knows what this is all about.





	1. Chapter 1

Thor awoke from a fitful sleep. It was sort of a pity; he hadn’t slept, not properly, in days. Not unless you counted being knocked unconscious by a Hulk and then knocked unconscious again by a wormhole as sleep. And Thor certainly didn’t.

But here he was, lying with his one good eye staring straight up at the ceiling instead of getting his much-deserved rest. For a moment, in the dark, it almost looked like the high ceiling of his boyhood room. He could have almost been home: safe under the navy-blue blankets his mother gave him when he was twelve, safe with mother, father, brother all next door, within reach, safe in Asgard’s spires and towers where peace reigned eternal. Almost.

Unfortunately, as he made out the unfamiliar rectangular ceiling tiles of grey and black, it was all too clear he was not home, and he’d never be home again. Exhaling, Thor reluctantly rolled onto his side to check the time, if, that is, he could remember where the damn clock was in this room. Not that time really meant much in space. As he peered into the shadows, hunting for those elusive, glowing numbers, a dark space in the doorway appeared more solid than the other shadows. Focusing on the figure, Thor recognized Loki standing there, watching him thoughtfully.

Thor blinked quizzically, then asked, “My shift already?” He threw off his covers and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He set his head in his hands, rubbing exhaustion from his eye.

Loki shook his head. “No, Heimdall is used to unnaturally long watches. He insisted he take the next 12 turns at the helm.” Loki walked, unhurried, further into the room. “No,” he repeated, “I came in because I heard you talking in your sleep.” He looked up to gaze at Thor curiously.

“I was talking?” Thor frowned, “That’s new. Hasn’t happened before. I don’t think.” He scratched the back of his neck, wondering if he’d somehow missed a symptom of his changing sleep habits.  

Loki crept closer to the bed and sat down delicately next to Thor. “What were you dreaming? If you can remember.”

“Uhhh… there was light? And impact, like explosions, and… honestly, I don’t remember a thing. Nothing, y’know, Important.” Thor shook his head, tapping his thumbs on the edge of the mattress, wishing he could remember.

“Mmm, I see,” Loki sighed, looking away, “It’s probably nothing then.”

Thor’s eye narrowed. He squinted at Loki. “What do you mean nothing?”

“I mean it’s good nothing! It’s good that you can’t remember what it was. Sounds like a bad dream.” Loki shrugged.

“Loki,” Thor chastised.

“It’s… probably nothing, just a hunch, but, back on Asgard, before, you said you had dreams where Asgard was on fire and… then, it was on fire.” Loki looked unexpectedly pensive as he said it, as if he’d been giving the matter a great deal of thought.

Thor frowned, shaking his head. “And you think that my dreams might be predicting the future? Loki, that’s-”

“Like I said, it’s probably nothing,” Loki interrupted him, fidgeting, ready to leave, “But… do tell me if you have any dreams you can remember. I’d be interested to know.”

Thor paused as Loki rose and made for the door. “Do you think it really is possible I’m developing the sight?” he said, arresting Loki before he could leave.

Loki glanced, tellingly, at Thor’s missing eye. It wasn’t a long look, but it was enough. “I don’t know,” Loki murmured.

Thor nodded. It was an honest answer at least. If Loki knew otherwise, he would have said no and laughed at him for thinking it was possible. But Loki wasn’t laughing.


	2. Chapter 2

_He was waking. He was on the ground, his sense of gravity told him so. As he reached out to push himself up he noticed the grating in the floor. He must be on a ship. But this was all wrong, the proportions were much smaller than the ship he was living on. The walls were too close, the ceiling too low. This had to be somewhere else._

_Looking around, he didn’t see anyone he recognized either, but there_ were _people. At least one of them was very close to human, the others were humanoid, but the wrong color or size or configuration to be truly human. And that wasn’t to mention the tree waving at him either. Now, come to think of it, they all seemed as surprised to see him as he was to be here. How did he get here? Where was everyone else?! And where was he, where_ was _he?!_

“You’re here! You’re alright, you idiot!” Someone was screaming at him.

Thor opened his eye to find a very tense looking Loki holding him down on the bed, wrestling with the covers.

“L-Loki, Loki,” Thor gasped, sweat rolling down from his temple, “You’re here. It’s alright.”

“That’s what I just said,” Loki barely bit back a snarl, edging himself back off of him and releasing his grip on Thor’s shoulders.

“Is there a commotion? If there isn’t, there’s about to be,” said Valkyrie, inviting herself in through the open door. “What the hell have you two been doing?” she said, eyeing the panting Thor and flushed Loki on the rumpled bed.

“Just… just a bad dream,” Thor wheezed, still recovering.

Loki nodded curtly, lips tight. “Like he said. Bad dream.”

“Uh huh… and do you two always cuddle after nightmares?” She cocked her head, trying not to smile.

Loki’s face dared her to say one more thing.

“Valkyrie, out,” Thor swallowed, rising into a sitting position, “I’m fine. Go calm anyone else who’s upset.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll tell them the God of Booboos is on it,” Valkyrie sneered, snickering on her way out.

Loki immediately closed and sealed the door before stiffly hunching himself into an uncomfortable ball on the corner of Thor’s bed.

Thor was taking deep breaths, leaning over the side of the bed. “Do I even want to ask?” he muttered over his shoulder.

“I could hear you- You kept screaming ‘where am I?’ over and over. By the time I got here you were thrashing in your covers,” Loki answered.

Thor leaned back and slid back into bed, his back against the headboard, feeling much better now he could breathe. “Thank you for coming to wake me up.”

“Well, we don’t exactly have qualified medical staff on board,” Loki muttered, “Not that this exactly qualifies as a medical emergency.”

Thor looked across at him, stubbornly huddled in his little personal bubble, and yet still sitting on his bed next to him. Before Thor could put together what he wanted to say, Loki said, not looking at him, “They’re getting worse, aren’t they?”

Thor blew a long breath and shrugged. “Can’t tell. Not sure when this all started, so.”

Loki relaxed by a microgram, letting his muscles stretch out a little. “What did you dream about?”

“I… dreamed I was on a different ship. There were strange people there, I didn’t know where I was. I was having difficulty getting my bearings.” Thor nodded, combing through his beard with his fingers.

Loki listened intently. “You have no idea how you arrived on that ship?” He cocked an eyebrow.

Thor shook his head. “None. I felt a bit like I’d been hit on the head though.”

“Well that’s not unusual,” Loki muttered, his lips quirking for a moment.

Thor was so pleased to hear Loki sound like himself, he let it slide.

“And you said you didn’t see any of us there?” Loki clarified.

“No one, there were people but no one I knew.”

Loki frowned. “Now that is worrying… Let me know if you dream of it again,” Loki sighed, moving to get off the bed.

Thor’s stomach rumbled. “Uh, before you go,” Thor arrested him, “how about a nightcap?”

Loki blinked at him. “A nightcap? You know there’s no Asgardian liquor on this ship.”

“It’s an expression,” Thor pouted, swinging off the bed too and standing up, “C’mon, let’s sneak down to the cafeteria and raid it, you used to love that.”

“We’re not at home and we’re not 50 anymore!” Loki retorted, rolling his eyes. “Unbelievable,” he muttered under his breath.

Thor grinned. “C’mon, you’ll love it, we’re going,” he nudged shoulders with Loki, leading him out of the room.

“We’re not even sneaking out,” Loki hissed, nonetheless following, “We’re perfectly mature adults entitled to do whatever we want whenever we want.”

“Then why are you whispering?” Thor whispered back.

Loki was brought up short and scowled at Thor. “This is idiotic,” he continued to complain, “There’s nothing to sneak out _from_ , there’s no one to catch us, we’re not breaking any rules!”

Thor snickered.

“What’s so funny?”

“You’re still coming anyway,” Thor giggled. He could almost feel Loki pursing his lips at that. But he did come anyway.


	3. Chapter 3

The ship was by no means as fast as the Bifrost. It was, by a large fraction, much slower. So, the journey to Earth was taking some time. “Some time” here meant several weeks. It was, for its class, a very fine ship, though there was some insult to injury that the entire Asgardian people weren’t even being carried on an Asgardian ship.

Prior to becoming an ark, this ship had spent its previous life as a cargo ship, it seemed, given its vast internal spaces. And while those spaces had been quite malleable and willing to be converted into individual rooms, it lacked much in the way of entertainment, diversion, or aesthetics of any kind. It was a humble vessel, efficient, but unadorned.

As the days of listless flight continued, most of the crew, as much as they could be called that, were falling into patterns of behavior, finding some occupation to fill the long, quiet hours. Most were becoming friendly with one another. But, there were those individuals who were …not.

“Oy! Grouch! Prince!” Valkyrie called out, trotting over to Loki as he walked down the corridor to the elevators.

Loki raised his eyebrows. “I’m no longer a prince, Valkyrie,” he demurred, “I’m simply a representative.”

“Oh yeah, of who?”

“Myself,” Loki beamed, striding down the hallway, but she kept up with him.

“Well, your not-majesty, I’ve got a question for you. Why is it the only person I ever see you talk to is your brother?” She frowned at him, stopping with him at the elevators and watching his face closely.

“Mmm,” Loki chuckled softly, “It could be said that the general conversational level upon this vessel is not up to my standard.” He flashed another mean smile at her while he waited for the doors to open.

Valkyrie cocked her head, her face scrunching up. “Are you aware you just gave your brother a compliment?”

“Or I just insulted everyone,” Loki quipped promptly, nodding to her before stepping into the elevator as the doors opened.

“Everyone except your brother.”

Valkyrie savored the sharp blink and blank expression greeting her words. “Have a lovely meeting.” She waved at him as the doors closed again.

Upstairs, there was indeed a formal meeting taking place. It was a state of the union, so to speak, involving Thor, Heimdall, and the other lords and nobles of Asgard discussing the current, reduced, setting of Asgard. Loki was also required to be there, as advisor to the throne and of noble stock himself, though no one cared to peer too deeply at that lineage. Valkyrie had been invited, but had refused to come on the point of boredom.

“…enough resources. But, we can’t stay on this ship forever. My lord, we must begin the process to finding a new home,” Heimdall was saying before glancing up at the distracted Loki, entering late. “My lord Loki?”

Loki shook himself as he walked over to the seat left open next to Thor. “Er, my apologies, Heimdall,” he muttered, sitting down. “What have I missed?”

Thor frowned at Loki, surprised at his lack of swagger, but before he could dwell on it, his attention returned to the matter at hand.

“We were just reviewing the resources of Asgard,” Heimdall summarized, “we are safe and fortified for now, but…”

“But what will become of us? Where will we settle?” One of the Asgardian nobles spoke up.

Thor grimaced, setting his elbows on the table to think. The meeting hadn’t been going well so far; everyone wanted to know when they could go home and they’d all looked to him, expecting answers. Thor had been doing his best to not answer that question as long as possible and kept changing the topic. But it seemed his luck in stalling was running out. “These are serious questions,” he mused, dreading what he was about to say, “And we’ll have to consider whether to try to rebuild or… colonize somewhere else.”

A murmur of concern swiftly moved round the table. Both suggestions prompted dramatic misgivings.

“We can’t colonize somewhere else; how would we access the Bifrost?” went one murmur.

“How could we rebuild a planet? And how long would it take? The whole notion is ridiculous” went another.

Thor shifted uncomfortably; he knew this wouldn’t go over well. He confessed to himself that he hadn’t planned, exactly, for the after effects of losing Asgard. In the moment, it had been a necessary sacrifice. But try telling that to everyone who just saw their homes burned by their current king’s actions. Nothing was going to make this any easier.

Next to him, Loki leaned in. “We will have to consider the possibilities,” he began, putting a hush to the murmuring, “none of the options will be easy, but all the more reason to start deciding now. In the meantime, however, we will need a refuge state. Somewhere to convalesce while we gather the necessary resources to rebuild our home. We should start with our allies. Even Midgard may be able to offer some small fraction of assistance.”

Thor’s eyebrows rose despite himself. Now that was unexpected. There was the Loki he always knew was in there. He began to smile, eyeing his capable brother.

“Well said.” Heimdall nodded amidst general approval.

Loki noticed the proud glow radiating from his brother and quickly looked away, not acknowledging it. “Heimdall, could you find us a suitable, quiet location to recuperate in?”

“I could.”

“Then do it, excellent suggestion,” Thor butted in, barely containing his grin, “I think that’s a start anyway. Everyone’s fears assuaged for the time being?” Everyone nodding, more or less, the meeting room began to empty. When they were alone, Thor turned to his fidgety brother. “That was remarkable,” he beamed.

“What? I didn’t do anything,” Loki refused.

“Come on, you know what I mean,” Thor tutted, “You’re better at this than I am.”

Loki gulped and squished himself further into his chair, folding his arms tightly. “It’s easy telling people what they want to hear.”

“It’s harder to do it with the truth. You were right, Loki.”

Loki rose, rolling his eyes. “I was bluffing. Just wanted to get out of here.”

Thor sighed, “You’re certainly bluffing about something.”

“What?”

“Nothing!”


	4. Chapter 4

_The throne room had never looked so blinding. It was always glittering, glimmering, glowing, but sitting here on the throne itself, Thor found he had to squint to make out anything._

_“My lord, when will we be home?” Someone was beseeching him, but Thor could barely make out any figures before him. He clutched Gungnir, leaning on it as he pressed forward to make out who was talking to him. All he could see was a shadow._

_“I… I don’t know,” Thor choked, knowing that answer wouldn’t be enough, “It will take time, I… I don’t know!”_

_“My lord, you promised!” Someone else was speaking now, angrier. Another shadow stepped forward, but hard as Thor peered, he could not recognize them._

_“I, I promised? What did I promise?” Thor racked his brain; he couldn’t remember promising anything._

_“You promised to take care of us!” came a cry, “You promised to defend us!” There was a growing horde of shadows now, throwing their arms at him, crying at him._

_Thor stumbled to his feet, trying to meet them head on and answer their complaints. He noticed his head felt very heavy. He must be wearing the king’s crown. He could barely keep his head up. He thrust his weight on Gungnir like it was no more than a staff._

_“I did protect you!” he protested helplessly, “I did defend you! I was trying to…”_

_“Why aren’t we home?” the shadows demanded, “Why aren’t we safe? Why have you failed us? Why are you failing us?”_

_Thor bowed under their criticism, swaying as he tried to stand. His chest hurt as he struggled to breathe, each breath a fierce labor like a mountain sat on his chest. He couldn’t even look at them anymore, so bent, so ashamed._

_A cool hand found his shoulder. “What’s this?”_

_Under the heaviness of the crown, Thor strained to turn his head, but he was sure that was the voice of his brother. Loki stared down at him, surprised at his struggling. “Stand, brother,” Loki encouraged, “stand.”_

_Thor found his strength again and pulled himself to his full height. But the swarming shadows rang in his ears; they were unappeased. Loki stood by him, unaffected by their screams and jeers. “They are nothing,” he said simply, “let them scream.”_

_Thor blinked at Loki, terrified. He was about to argue, insist that these were his people, his subjects, and he needed to listen to them, but all at once the shadows quieted, receded, then dissipated into nothing._

_Thor gasped and gawked at the empty, shining throne room, now just as quiet and familiar as his own bedroom. He was about to turn back to Loki, ask him how he did that, beg him to help him, but the words caught in his throat. In seconds the throne room, the crown, and Loki vanished into darkness with the sudden sharpness of the closing of a book._ Thor’s eye snapped open and his body jerked taut, completely awake.

Unable to even contemplate further sleep, Thor pushed off his covers and marched to his door, intent on a mission to the cafeteria. Perhaps some almost-coffee would help. It couldn’t hurt at least. On his way, however, he happened to notice the light still on under Loki’s door and he couldn’t resist pausing. He knocked at the door.

The door opened with no reply and Thor saw Loki sitting up in bed, reading, quizzical expression on his face. “Oh!” Loki set his book down. “Yes?” he asked expectantly.

“Couldn’t sleep,” Thor explained, stepping inside carefully, “Saw your light on… couldn’t sleep either?”

“I was reading, in fact,” Loki replied, droll, picking up his closed book and setting it on his bedside table. It was the only personal detail in the room, Thor noticed. Everything else around him appeared to be on its factory setting, from the blank walls to the nondescript sheets. “Why couldn’t you sleep?” Loki asked, turning back.

“Bad dream,” Thor sighed, swinging his hands in front of him and looking at the floor. When Loki didn’t say anything, Thor looked up to see Loki with a raised eyebrow.

Thor gulped and looked away again. “It wasn’t about the future, it was just a dream,” he mumbled.

Loki shifted in bed, pushing his covers down a little and leaning forward. “Bad enough that you got out of bed and came to see me,” he frowned and nodded to his bed, urging Thor to come sit with him.

Thor kept his head down, but obediently walked over to the bed and sat on the edge of it, his fingers laced in front of him, hanging between his legs.

“You look shaken, brother,” Loki murmured, taking in Thor’s silence, “what’s wrong?”

Thor almost flinched, the dialogue was too close for comfort. “I destroyed Asgard. And now I have to give it back.”

Loki sat back with a long sigh. Thor looked up to watch Loki contemplate his response, looking into the middle distance. “You didn’t destroy Asgard. You saved it,” he finally said.

Thor shook his head. “It doesn’t feel that way.”

“Then hang your feelings.”

Thor’s head shot up, blinking.

Loki shrugged. “What more could you have done?” He squinted at Thor. “Really, tell me, what more could you have done?”

Thor pulled back, hesitating.

“You know better than anyone you made the best decision possible. Live with it.” Loki stopped and shook his head. “You can’t go on thinking you’ve made wrong choices. It doesn’t work like that.”

Thor frowned. “What doesn’t?”

“Ruling,” Loki nodded. “Living, too,” he added with a groan. “Good or bad, you live with your decisions.” He leaned back against the headboard, his eyes far away in some different time, a different place.

Thor looked at him, the god of mistakes and bad decisions, and bit his tongue before he could say Loki didn’t know what he was talking about. He nodded.

Seeing Loki was far away, Thor managed to press up close to him before Loki noticed he’d moved and had his arms around him before Loki could resist.

“Thank you, Loki,” Thor mumbled into Loki’s ear. Loki flinched, but did hug Thor back, letting his arms wrap around him too before Thor pulled away.

“Still don’t know what we’re going to do next.” Thor shook his head, sitting back and preparing to leave.

“Not my problem,” Loki responded smartly, smoothing his covers again, “I’m not king.” He looked up at Thor, a crinkle around his eyes.

Thor smiled warmly, flooded with a hope he hadn’t felt in years. He hopped off the bed and started for the door. “See you tomorrow, brother,” he turned back to say goodbye, still smiling.

To his relief, so was Loki. “Don’t die in your sleep. It would be most inconvenient.”

Thor didn’t stop smiling all the way back to his room.


	5. Chapter 5

_“Now, I want to know what happened.” Frigga clasped her hands in front of her, peering down at her two, very guilty, sons._

_Thor stood next to his brother, cut and scraped and bruised, but refusing to say a word, even in the face of Frigga’s disappointment. Loki, likewise, remained silent._

_Thor remembered what they’d been doing. They’d been playing in the stables and dared each other to get on Sleipnir’s back and one thing lead to another and there was a stampede out of the stables, leading to half the guard being sent out to recapture all of the mounts._

_Their mother sighed and sat back down. “Very well, if you won’t tell me what happened then you can speak to your father later,” both boys reflexively flinched, “and spend the rest of the week room bound, studying.”_

_“That’s not fair!” Thor protested, “We didn’t do anything!”_

_“Then I suppose the horses ran off without provocation?” Frigga raised an eyebrow._

_“Well…” Thor floundered._

_“We were playing in the stables,” Loki interrupted, “And… I… I let them loose. I thought it would be a fun prank.” He kept his eyes down from his mother’s._

_“I see,” Frigga said quietly, “then where did you get all those scratches and cuts?”_

_“Thor and I tried to round them up again, but they wouldn’t come back,” Loki explained. And that much was true. They did spend twice as long panicking and looking for the animals than they did irritating them in the first place._

_Frigga frowned, carefully considering the story. “Well, you can rest easy on that count at least. Horses always come back to where they are fed, so you needn’t worry on that account,” she softened, looking down at her two sons, “but it is irresponsible as princes and as owners to treat your animals so selfishly. I hope you both know that.”_

_They nodded, chastened._

_Frigga rose. “I will tell your father what you have told me. For the mean time, you are_ both _to go to your rooms and study. Your meals will be brought to you at dinner time.”_

_“Both?!” Thor started to complain._

_Frigga cut him off with a look and Thor swallowed._

_As they walked out of the throne room to their chambers, Thor glanced at his brother and found him full size and smiling._

_“What’s so funny?” Thor pouted._

_“Now you can’t leave me behind to run off with the warriors three,” Loki beamed._

_“You did that on purpose!” Thor shouted, running after him as he scampered away._

He could hear Loki’s laughter echoing down the hall as he woke up. It occurred to Thor he hadn’t heard his brother laugh like that in a long time.

Thor was still thinking about that laugh as he entered the cafeteria the next morning. After getting his simulated food, he made a beeline straight for Loki. “So, I was having another dream last night,” Thor began, sitting down next to him.

Loki’s eyebrows immediately rose, half turning to him. “You did?”

“Yeah, it wasn’t one of _those_ dreams though, it was just a normal dream,” Thor explained, dipping his replicated pastry-ish food into a mug of what could be mistaken for coffee. “No, hang on,” Thor grabbed his brother as he turned away, deflated at the prospect of a ‘normal’ dream, “It was about you, about us.”

Loki stilled and his eyes narrowed slowly. “What about ‘us’?”

Thor took a big bite of his soggy breakfast. “D’you remember...” he swallowed, “d’you remember that time we let out all the horses in the stables? And half of father’s guard had to be dispatched to get them back?”

Recognition dawned on Loki’s features and he nodded. “I recall shouldering the blame for that particular escapade, no thanks to you.”

“Hey, hey, we both got grounded!” Thor pouted, “Mother didn’t believe a word you said.”

“Yes, but it was still your fault the horses got out in the first place,” Loki returned, lips curling, “If you hadn’t tried to mount Sleipnir-”

“If you hadn’t dared me to!”

“Oh, now I’m the instigator, am I?”

“I certainly didn’t _unlock_ the stables.”

“You dragged me out there to unlock them for you!”

“You’re smiling,” Thor smirked, noting their foreheads were almost touching as they argued.

Loki gulped and drew back, color rising in his cheeks. “I am not,” he muttered.

“We had fun, you and I,” Thor murmured, half watching the Loki of the present and half seeing the Loki of the past, “I did, at least. I thought you were having fun too.”

For a time, silence passed and Thor didn’t look at Loki. He carried on drinking his almost-coffee, mute.

“…I had fun,” Loki said after a great while, long after Thor was nearly finished.

Thor smiled to himself. It wasn’t laughter, but it was a start.


	6. Chapter 6

“Thor,” Loki opened his brother’s door without knocking, “I think I can help.”

Thor blinked up at him from the floor, paused in mid sit up. “…with this exercise?”

“With your dreams,” Loki explained, walking across the room quickly to stand in front of him, his eyes bright with energy.

Thor finished his sit up before raising himself off the floor and sitting on the bed. “How? You can’t stop me having dreams, Loki.” Thor shrugged, frowning at his brother.

Loki waved his hand away at the comment, starting to pace up and down beside the bed. “No, no, I mean interpreting them, seeing if they really portend the future or not.”

Thor squinted with his one good eye. “And how do you suppose you can determine that?” He leaned forward, watching Loki pace with interest, intrigued by this new, anxious energy.

Loki stopped and chewed his lip worryingly, his hands twitched restlessly at his sides. He inhaled deeply and turned to Thor. “I can access your memories,” he finally said.

“…WHAT?!” Thor squawked, thrown back by his own disbelief, “How can you… when did you learn to do that?!”

Loki’s shoulders twitched in a weak shrug. “When did you learn to cast lightning without your hammer?”

“Why didn’t you _tell_ me!” Thor gasped, still too stunned to tell if he was thrilled or horrified.

“It wasn’t important until now,” Loki rolled his eyes with a sigh, “Look, I think I can help, do you want me to or not?”

“Yes, yes!” Thor responded hurriedly, gesturing for Loki to sit on the bed with him. “I had no idea you were a mind reader,” he grinned, settling on thrilled for the moment.

Loki glanced at Thor’s smile, then disregarded it as he sat down. “I’ve never done this with dreams before-”

“What _have_ you-”

“-so it might take me a few minutes to find what I’m looking for,” Loki overrode Thor’s interruption, “I just want to look at a few of your most recent dreams, for now. Until I can understand what I need to find.” He looked up at Thor, readying himself. Thor straightened up eagerly, staring at him expectantly. “Do you need me to-” was as far as he got before Loki’s hand slapped into his forehead.

Thor was immediately aware of the intrusion, even without Loki’s palm colliding with his skull. His thoughts were a whirl he couldn’t stop, sand sifting through his fingers; no matter how hard he tried to grasp just one idea, they all fled from him, dancing to the tune of another master. His body tensed at the loss of control, the feeling not unlike that of attack.

“Easy, Thor,” Loki murmured, and Thor couldn’t tell if the whisper was outside his mind or within it.

“Easy for you to say,” Thor said aloud, just to be safe, “you’re not the one totally at someone else’s mercy.”

Loki’s laughter bubbled and fizzed between them, an echo of it canvasing his mind before dissipating. “Relax, if I wanted to attack you, I’d have done it by now.” Before Thor could reply, his mind seized on a moment. Or rather, Loki seized a moment in his mind. It was his last dream, himself, Loki, Frigga. Loki flipped through the dream as if it were made up of frames on a reel of film, selecting scenes with ease and precision. He didn’t spend long on any particular frame, but he hesitated at the end, seeing himself adult again, smiling, laughing. Then Loki dropped that memory and Thor’s mind was a cascade again, out of control and focus.

But this time the chaos was brief. Loki plucked the dream before last out of the vortex of colors and shapes and all became focused again, the dream reasserting itself in his mind. Yes, here he was, the floor of an unknown ship, small, rusty. His ears were ringing, as if from an explosion. He tried to stand, but found he couldn’t. The crew of this ship were talking to him, concerned, wary, questioning. One of them reached to support him, but then the dream was gone.

Thor reeled slightly, shaking his head. He couldn’t get over the sensation of dizziness, although he knew he hadn’t moved. He blinked rapidly and at last could make out Loki frowning heavily, his lips resting on his fist.

“Well?” Thor asked, scooting closer.

“It was fuzzy, unsteady, I couldn’t get enough…” Loki exhaled, squinting into the middle distance. He shook his head. “I can’t tell if that dream means anything or not yet.”

“Then let’s try again,” Thor suggested, already adjusting himself to go through the experience again.

“No,” Loki refused, “not right now. I want to think about this.”

Thor raised an eyebrow. “Reading dreams… not like reading minds then?” he guessed.

Loki looked up, surprised, and opened his mouth to speak, then just nodded. “Yeah, something like that.”

Thor shifted a little closer, almost bumping against Loki, almost touching him. “Anything I can do to help?”

Loki shook his head and looked up at the ceiling. “Not unless you already know what your dreams mean.” He smiled, emptily, and kept looking at it as if it held all the answers, if he could but see them. “I appreciate the sentiment …however.” Loki turned back to Thor and his voice suddenly fell to a hush when he noticed how close they were, how carefully Thor was looking at him.

Thor nodded, unable to take his eye off Loki. “Of course. Any time.”

Loki swallowed and for a long moment, there was no sound. The air itself seemed still and waiting, just a little too hot resting on their skin.

“I think…” Loki began, almost too faint to hear, his breath soft and hot.

“Yes?”

“I think… I should go,” Loki finally got out, swallowing as he said it. His breath heaved, as if it had cost him a great deal to say it, and he deliberately pulled his eyes down from Thor’s, turning away from him and preparing to rise.

Thor started, as if released from a spell. “But!” he pleaded, though he could think of no reason for Loki to stay.

Loki was already leaving the warmth of the bed and the closeness that seemed to have grown between them. His face was to the ground. “I’ll be back, when I have more insight,” he nodded, briefly tilting his head to Thor before opening the door and leaving.

Thor put his hand in the impression where Loki’d been sitting. Still warm.


	7. Chapter 7

“I thought I might find you here,” said Heimdall, wandering into the navigation room, as if by chance.

Loki looked up and arched an eyebrow at the vanguard. “No need to lie for my vanity, Heimdall,” Loki stood, clasping his hands behind his back, “You knew I was here.”

“I did.” Heimdall smiled. “Although, I suspect, you wanted me to find you.”

Loki shrugged, pacing around a large, holographic star map. “Perhaps,” was all he said, eyes on the stars.

Heimdall took a deep breath and walked further into the room, approaching Loki’s pacing arc. “If I may be so bold, you seem troubled, my lord,” Heimdall worded his concerns carefully, “and might benefit from counsel.”

Loki gave no indication that he even heard. He studied the stars idly. “Of course, I am troubled,” he finally said, “our kingdom is gone, our people are outcast, and there are strong enemies growing in the heart of space that threaten what little we still have.”

Heimdall shook his head, standing just over Loki’s shoulder. “That is not what I meant. It’s true that those are pressing problems, but that is not what you are concerned with.”

Loki finally turned to his visitor, but his face had changed from placidity to open guardedness. “And what, then, am I concerned with?” he whispered.

“Your brother,” Heimdall said firmly, “and your relationship to him. There is something there worrying you, there is something there you do not trust. It shows.”

Loki hissed sharply, stricken. He took a minute to steady his breathing. “Why are you confronting me on this?”

Heimdall sat down on the bench encompassing the holo-projector, now that he had Loki’s full attention. “Because you are now, for better or worse, a protector of Asgard. And there must be stability in the government; there must be unity. Your suspicion risks destabilizing everything.”

Loki turned back to the projector, but no longer paced. His hands stayed clasped behind his back where Heimdall could see them. “You never liked me much, did you, Heimdall?”

Heimdall's eyes cast down, away from the prodigal son. “I thought... you were ill-prepared to rule. But I always saw great potential in you.” He turned his eyes back to the young god in time to see him swallow painfully.

“...you sound like my brother.” It was probably just the glow of the stars that was making Loki’s eyes shine like that.

Heimdall waited in silence for him to collect himself. He watched the slowly tilting constellations and wondered if Loki was soothed by their patterns as he was.

“Did you know about Hela?” Loki finally said, walking back to sit on the bench with Heimdall.

Heimdall shook his head. “No. Your father kept his secrets well.” He noticed a slight twitch flash across Loki’s features when he said “your father,” a reflex to reject the term not yet mastered, but then Loki relaxed with a sigh, revealing how tired he really was.

“He was certainly good at that,” Loki muttered, reclining on the bench, his arms folded across his chest.

Heimdall saw his chance and took it. Preparing himself for the worst, Heimdall drew breath to speak, “Do not blame your brother for your father’s mistakes,” he murmured, looking at Loki, “do not see the same deceit there.”

Loki stared, wide-eyed, at the watchful guard. His face contorted, crumpled. He swallowed, breathing labored by a tight constriction in his chest. He steeled himself to speak, but Heimdall cut him off. “You were betrayed. By thought, by name, and by action, you were betrayed. That doesn’t mean you are still betrayed.”

Loki could bear no more and folded in on himself. He stuffed a hand over his mouth to stifle his sobs. Gingerly, Heimdall reached across the space between them and laid a hand on Loki’s shaking back.

“I… am sorry for how you have been wronged, Loki. I am truly sorry,” he murmured. He supposed that no one had ever apologized to him.

Loki shook for many more minutes. Heimdall stayed with him, keeping a gentle hand on him the whole time. When Loki finally stilled and his breathing became steady, Heimdall dropped his hand and prepared to leave.

“Well, I’ve said what I came to say,” he stood, nodding to the crouched god, “You’ll either listen to me or you won’t.” He made for the door.

“Heimdall.” Loki faced him before he could leave. When Heimdall halted and turned to him, Loki swallowed. “Thank you,” he murmured.

Heimdall bowed his head once. “It is time for us to work together, if we can,” he said in parting.

Loki frowned. “Which us do you mean?” he called out.

“All of us,” Heimdall called back.


	8. Chapter 8

This time, Loki knocked.

“Come in,” Thor answered the knock, taking off his sparring gloves from training with Valkyrie. He flexed his knuckles, sore, she did _not_ go easy on him, sovereign or not.

Loki stopped, just inside the door, waiting to be asked further in. “I want to try again,” he said, half explanation, half suggestion.

Thor looked up, smiling in recognition. “Oh! Alright then, good.” Thor immediately seated himself on the bed, leaving plenty of room for Loki to sit across from him. “So you think you’ve got it then, you can tell me what my dreams mean?”

Loki sat down in the offered space and crossed his legs, getting comfortable. “Not exactly, no,” he shook his head, “There’s only one way to confirm if a dream is truly telling the future: if it happens. So that’s what we’re going to see.”

Thor blinked. “How?”

“You said you dreamed of Asgard destroyed,” Loki cocked his head, “Show me.”

And with no more ado, Thor found his head thrown back, Loki’s hand clamped down on his forehead. The whirling chaos washed over him, images, sensations, ideas, all thrown together in a blender. A recent memory flicked past, Loki slid it out of the vortex with ease, tossing it open onto the canvas of Thor’s mind.

_“…I’ve been having this recurring dream lately. Every night I see Asgard falling to ruins…”_

Thor heard himself saying as he stared at Loki in the guise of Odin. Was this what Loki wanted? No, apparently not, because the next thing he knew… well, it was hard to explain, but it was as if Loki had run those words through a database of his memories and used them to call up the dream he was referring to. Loki pulled him through the first memory into the next, his argument with Loki fading away as the dream of the destruction of Asgard asserted itself.

 _Everything was on fire, everything. The citadel, the homes, the roads. The air blurred it was so hot. There was just enough time to register what was and was no more before a great flaming sword flew through the air and a cataclysm hit, evaporating what was left into white nothingness._ Exactly as they had seen.

With a yank, Thor was physically thrown back against his headboard, hitting his head. As he reeled, trying to get his bearings and rubbing his head, his ears caught the rough, ragged sound of Loki’s breathing. He was panting so hard the bed shook. Thor forced himself to open his eye and look at Loki, even though his head was swimming. Loki’s eyes were wide open, almost entirely white.

“You saw Surtur destroy Asgard,” Loki gasped, “you _saw_ it!”

Thor tried to sit up, his vision flickering in and out of focus. “I saw _something_ , I didn’t know-”

Loki’s head shot up, his pupils pinpricks, staring at Thor wildly. Thor felt his throat close at the look, shutting off any more words.

“Don’t _lie to me_ ,” Loki whispered, “you have the sight. You’re clairvoyant.”

Thor couldn’t take his sight off Loki. Fuzzy and blurred, he could still see something was Not Right with him. Loki hadn’t blinked, not once.

“Brother?” Thor tried.

Loki shot off the bed. “I have to go,” he barely made out, voice strangled, as he raced through the door and out into the ship.

Thor pushed himself to the edge of the bed, his dizziness slowly abating. Why did he feel so much worse this time? He staggered upright and to the door, intent on following Loki.

“I wouldn’t go after him right now.”

Thor spun around to see Heimdall lurking in the hallway at his heels, a warning frown on his face.

“He’s upset, I want to know why,” Thor growled, turning away, determined to stomp off after him regardless.

Heimdall grabbed Thor by the shoulder and shook his head. “You can’t fix this,” he said in a low voice, “Please consider that.”

Thor stood, mouth agape, consternated and beginning to be annoyed with Heimdall’s enigmatic interference. “Release me, Heimdall,” he said through gritted teeth, “you overreach.”

Heimdall swallowed and obediently released Thor. “Then, be careful, my lord,” he murmured, unsure if Thor heard him or not.

When Thor reached the end of the hallway, it wasn’t as if a sign was posted which way Loki had gone, but before Thor could worry too long, an enormous crash came from his left and something told him to follow the sounds of destruction.

“…how could you DO THIS?! This was all some part of your BIG MASTER PLAN?! Which worked out BRILLIANTLY I MIGHT ADD! JUST FUCKING FANTASTIC!”

Thor could hear Loki’s screams perfectly from rooms away. His vision and balance were finally righting themselves by the time he saw Loki himself, surrounded by smashed glass and upturned tables in the cafeteria. He seemed to be yelling at something, specifically, not around at the whole room. Thor gulped and tiptoed around the edge of the perimeter, looking for a safe entrance, while Loki picked up a food replicator and threw it headlong at… their father. Thor’s breath stopped.

“ _WAS THERE_ EVEN A PLAN?! BECAUSE, TO MY EYES, I CAN’T SEE ANYTHING BUT WASTED POTENTIAL! HERE YOU HAD CHILD SLAVES AT YOUR BECK AND CALL AND FOR WHAT? NEITHER OF US AMOUNTED TO ANYTHING! CONSTANT DISAPPOINTMENTS! Although I suppose we were VAST improvements over-”

“Loki,” Thor butt in, stepping quietly into the arena.

Loki spun, automatically throwing a dagger at the direction of the sound. It took him a beat to register Thor, who meanwhile knocked the dagger out of the way. “GET OUT!” Loki screamed at him when he recognized his brother.

“Loki, stop this,” Thor pleaded, moving forward, “stop this, tell me what’s wrong.”

Loki conjured a spear this time and leveled it at Thor’s chest. “Get. Out.” he repeated harshly, breath whistling through his bared teeth.

Thor stopped, staring at the spear like it was something from a different universe, a universe that could make no comprehensible sense to this one. “…why are you yelling at father?” Thor tried again after a long beat.

“Because this is _his fault_ ,” Loki growled, “this, all of this,” he said, dropping the spear and watching it dissolve, “is _his fault_.”

Thor looked between Loki and the construct of his father, sitting peacefully, impassively, on a throne of splinters. “I don’t understand,” Thor said.

“WHERE do you think your clairvoyance comes from?!” Loki belted out with a snarl, “You think you’re just _special?_ ” He sneered. “WHY do you think your power has only become evident NOW as the All-Father was waning?”

An idea slowly turned in Thor’s mind. “You’re… you’re saying that Odin gave me… his powers?”

“Did I say POWERS? NO! I said POWER, SINGULAR!” Loki shouted, beginning to pace an anxious trail through broken property between Thor and Odin. He laughed, ugly and harsh. “No no, you see, Odin was correcting his mistakes,” he turned a cruel smile on the image of their father, “He wouldn’t make the same mistake twice, ohhh no.”

Thor shook his head. “What are you talking about, Loki? Make sense.” His eyes darted uncertainly between Loki and the destruction all around Odin. Not that this _was_ making sense, but his only hope for calming Loki was to keep him talking.

“Our sister!” Loki cried, spinning back to Thor, “You remember her, our dearly departed sister, Hela? Tell me, where did HER power come from?”

Thor’s face fell, his eye going wide. “Oh… oh you’re saying-”

“But she didn’t quite work out, _did she?_ ” Loki hissed, face darkening with vicious pleasure, “Wasn’t a worthy successor.” Loki’s eyes glowed, turning back to Odin. “So Odin just had to lock her up, somewhere FAR, far away, and hope that did the trick. But that still left him with a defenseless throne and no heirs to keep it. Oh, what to do.”

Thor didn’t like where this was going.

“But as luck would have it, he would have a _son_. TWO sons as a matter of fact, though one came from a little further afield,” Loki’s face twitched, but he didn’t stop, couldn’t stop, “and now TWO sons, maybe that would solve the problem. The problem was Hela had been TOO powerful, he couldn’t control her, couldn’t _manipulate_ her. But if he halved his powers, divested them across two heirs, well… that would surely split the difference then, wouldn’t it? THAT would fix the problem, once and for all. _Wouldn’t it?!_ ” He suddenly spun on Thor, startling him into taking a step back.

Thor swallowed hard, trying to keep up with what Loki was saying. “So… we’re making up for what Hela did wrong?”

Loki was ready to tear his own eyes out. “Don’t you GET IT?” he screamed in Thor’s face, “Not only are we pawns of our father’s misconceived future plans yet again, but he BOUND us together. Our magic,” Loki gasped, finally reaching the thing he wanted least to say, “it’s... it’s his, it’s linked, we’re... inseparable.”

“...oh” was all Thor could respond with.

“YES. OH!” Loki threw up his hands, then grabbed the closest implement and hurled it at Odin again. “I can’t _believe_ this, he’s DEAD and he’s still fucking with us!”

Thor shifted uncomfortably, chewing his lip. “Is it… that bad?”

Loki looked up, stunned. “T- That’s not the point!” he yelled at Thor, exasperated, “The point is I am still just a tool, like always! Just a puppet to play to someone else’s machinations!” Loki picked up an entire table and turned it over, end to end, and brought it down on Odin’s head like a diving board. And Odin still sat there, placidly taking all the abuse and violence.

“Is _this_ why you took me?!” Loki’s screaming was reaching an anguished pitch now, his scorn shifting from angry to pained. “All these years later, can I at LAST understand? You needed to correct for Hela, but when Frigga only bore you one child, you just picked up the closest orphan?  Is that it?!”

Thor saw his brother slipping away, what little control he had left was disappearing as he continued to stare at the effigy of their father. Thor stepped closer as quietly as he could. He couldn’t let Loki destroy himself over this.

“What did you WANT with me?! All these years, I have NEVER understood! All the negligence, the disregard, the betrayal, what WAS I to you, in your grand plan?! What was your PURPOSE for me?! TELL ME!” And losing all restraint, Loki lunged for their father personally, aiming for his throat with his bare hands, forgetting he would find no purchase.

“No, Loki!” Thor jumped after him, grabbing him around the middle to pull him back.

“DON’T TOUCH ME, GET OFF ME!” Loki screamed as his hands scratched and clawed into the emptiness where Odin sat, “GET _OFF_ ME, TRAITOR!”

Thor was so shocked, he let go of Loki immediately. Loki stumbled through the construct, then whirled to look back at Thor. “You’re JUST like the rest of them, just like him!” he flung a finger out at Odin, white eyes spearing through Thor, but not seeing him, “Always wanting me to be something I’m not! Always wanting me to fit in, to cooperate, when I don’t BELONG here!”

Thor’s head started shaking. “Loki, that’s not true…” he murmured, voice warbling.

“What do YOU know?!” Loki snarled, “I’m just the adopted son, the usurper, I was never meant to be! I’m just balance, for you! So YOU don’t become a tyrant! I have NOTHING that’s mine! This skin, this voice, this magic! NONE OF IT IS MINE!” Loki clawed at himself as he spoke, as if prepared to rip off the offending lies. His fingers dragged through his hair, scratching deep enough to draw blood as he collapsed to the ground, overcome with the panic of nonbeing.

Thor swallowed hard and tried to ignore his one good eye tearing up so badly he couldn’t see. He walked forward to where he knew Loki was crouched over, curled in on himself for protection. Thor knelt beside him. “I don’t… know why father took you. I don’t… know why any of this happened,” he whispered, soft and gentle as he could, “But you’re my brother. And I don’t care why.”

Loki lurched away from Thor, forcing himself to stand in awkward, faltering strides. He turned back to Thor, trembling, tears streaming down his cold, pale cheeks. To Thor, he looked painfully young, with his eyes round with fear, his eyebrows creased the way they always did when he cried, and his lips thin and parted against the pain. He was just a child again, just a scared little boy like Thor hadn’t seen for many years.

Loki said nothing, only looked at Thor for another second, then turned and ran out of the cafeteria, his fleeting steps echoing like heartbeats in Thor’s chest. Thor pushed a hand into the glass and debris and stood shakily. The construct of Odin still sat there, silent, implacable judgment to the whole upheaval.  For the first time, Thor’s heart twisted as he looked at his father and he thought to himself that he never really knew him.

“I suppose I should be grateful he only took out our food supply,” Heimdall murmured quietly from one of the doorways.

Thor turned to look at the guardian. “Is he-?”

“He’s in his room, though I doubt I’ll be able to see him for much longer. In his fury, he’s casting wards around him to insulate himself. He does not wish to be disturbed.”

Thor drew a deep breath. “I should-”

“No,” Heimdall held out an arm to stop Thor before he even moved, “no, you should not. You’re king. He’s safe, he’s not going anywhere. You’re king. You cannot put your entire kingdom on hold for one subject.”

Thor finally met Heimdall’s eyes and reluctantly nodded, shuffling to where he stood and consenting to let Heimdall lead him away from the wreckage. “We don’t know if he’ll be okay.”

“We don’t,” Heimdall nodded, “but that is not our decision to make. It’s his.”


End file.
